ADOLESCENTRIX- MARCH ISSUE

Let’s start with a Family Connectivity Quiz this monthRespond to the following questions with True or False:

1. You have a scheduled, predictable time to gather with your family for fun.
2. You have discussed family rules and consequences and evaluated the appropriateness of these rules every 6 months or so.
3. You eat at least one meal together on most days.
4. "Put-downs" and mean-spirited teasing are not allowed in your home.
5. You forget your squabbles and laugh at the end of the day.
6. You listen to each other with respect even when you disagree.
7. You usually know what your child worries about.
8. You talk about your family traditions, history and ancestors, etc.
9. You have predictable opportunities for each family member to be heard -- family meetings, open discussions at meal time.
10. You know your child’s favourite song, music group, or sports team.
11. Your family watches less than 7 hours of TV a week.
12. You don’t expect perfection. Trying hard is applauded and lessons are learned from mistakes.
13. Your family strives to live your spiritual beliefs and you often discuss how to do so.
14. You remember to tell your child how much you care for her.

Tally up your True and False responses and take a look at your score.1 - 2 False: You’re doing amazingly well keeping your family connected in a stressful world!3 - 5 False: Your family could use some strengthening.6+ False: Your family definitely needs to take more time for each other.

"Parental Power Is The Most Underutilized Tool In Combating Substance Abuse", According To Joseph Califano, President Of The National Center On Addiction And Substance Abuse
The National Center on Addiction and Substance abuse, (CASA), a national organization that studies substance abuse, recently reported:

1. "Parents who are parents rather than pals can greatly reduce the risk of their children smoking, drinking and using drugs."
2. "Teenagers with parents who enforce curfews and monitor their children’s TV and music habits are less likely to use drugs."
3. "Teens with parents who are ‘hands-off’ and impose no restrictions on them are at four times the risk to smoke, drink or use drugs than teens living in a house with rules."
4. "The more times a week teens eat dinner with their parents - without the TV on - the less the child's risk of becoming a substance abuser. Youths who do not eat with their parents have doubled the risk of using drugs than those who eat dinner as a family every night."
5. Being the parent of a teen is hard. It means having clear expectations and boundaries, so the kids know where you are coming from and why.

Eight Steps To Making A Seamless Transition From Adolescence To Adulthood

There are many steps you can take to help your teenager and yourself make a seamless transition. The eight steps that follow are some of the most helpful:

1. Keep communication lines open. Listen when your child talks and try to understand his/her position. Be assertive, don’t nag/lecture.
2. Maintain a good relationship. Your child will choose to obey you more often than not if the two of you have a good relationship based on mutual trust and respect. (Fathers be careful of how you deal with your daughters. Your aloofness can permanently scar your daughters)
3. Avoid treating your adolescent as if he/she were a young child. Give him/her the respect your child needs to learn how to make their own decisions and form their own opinions. Allow them to make mistakes. Adjust their role in the family so that it is more appropriate to their changing needs. Making them dependent upon you will not help them.
4. Give them space. Try not to smother him/her or force them to do everything the family does. Independence is necessary to your child's development. Be understanding.
5. Honor and respect your child's uniqueness. Encourage him/her to be themselves. Accept their differences. Time spent trying to make your child a model child will only end in frustration and resentment.
6. Be a strong leader, not just a good parent. Be positive. Express confidence in your child's abilities. Teach values. Set a good example.
Conduct your life the way you would like to see your child conduct theirs. Be careful not to say, "Do as I say, not as I do." Kids will remember what you did more than what you said. Remember that being a parent is hard work. Effective parenting requires self control and responsible behavior on your part, whether you are parenting an infant, child or adolescent.
7. No matter what happens, a sense of humor can help! Be willing to laugh at yourself. Laugh along with your child. Have fun. Kids love it when adults lighten up!
8. Whenever you would like to see an improvement in your child's attitude or behavior, take a look at your own first. You may be the one who needs to make an adjustment. Your child might be following in your footsteps.

Source: Washington Times, Feb. 22, 2001 edition, "Parental control curbs teen drug use," by Regina Holtman and Cheryl Wetzstein,

THIS MONTH’S SPECIAL:

One important listening skill to use when communicating with your teenager is using Door Openers, as opposed to Door Slammers. Door Openers are open-ended responses that do not convey evaluation or judgment. Door Slammers are just the opposite. They convey to your teenager that you do not wish to have this discussion with them.

Examples of Door Openers: "What do you think?”, "Would you like to share more about that?”, "That's a good question,” "I don't know, but I'll find out,” "I'm interested in what you are saying,” “Do you know what that means,” “That sounds important to you,” “Do you want to talk about it?"
Examples of Door Slammers :"You are too young to understand," "If you say that again, I'll...," "That's none of your business," "I don't care what your friends are doing," "We'll talk about that when you need to know," "That's just for boys/girls," "Why are you asking me that," "You don't need to know about that," "Don't come to me if you mess up."
In order to make the column ADOLOSCENTRIX useful, Parents and Students alike are requested to use the helpline for_you_help@yahoo.com , to discuss and write about their problems.