ADOLESCENTRIX - JAN ISSUE

“Our children are not what we used to be”. Every generation must have been through such an aching realisation. Each time such a change must have been fraught with speculation and pain. The initial reaction must have been momentous, incomprehensible and unacceptable - until the fruits of change assuaged some of that fear and uncertainty of living through a transformation. The ones who brought about the metamorphosis went through as much struggle trying to establish a new set of rules, a fresh set of identities. The trouble arises when they get carried away in that frenzy, losing their way, and whipping up more dust than a clear path to follow. There are always a few who simply lose themselves and chose the easy way out to infamy. Today unfortunately, in a billion strong ‘young’ Nation they make a sizable population. The reason for worry is the rate at which their fire of discontentment is spreading into glaring instances of indiscipline and delinquent behaviour all over.

This change is conceived and incubated in the school environment, the basic platform of socialisation for growing children. Statistics prove that school crimes, school misconduct and school non attendance as a global phenomenon are on the rise. It may not be something you have noticed yet because compared to instances abroad the antics of our children seem harmless, and almost innocent. You may have had the urge to keep your errant ward from public glare – not accepting his behaviour as punishable or unacceptable. You hope it is a passing phase. As a parent if you are far too busy to give quality time to your children you may have even felt obliged to allay your child’s need for your time and guidance with expensive gifts. Giving in to his every wish, believing in him, protecting him, and hoping like mad it is just a part of his growing up days. You had yours and didn’t turn out too bad for it. So there is no reason to feel unduly worried. Right ? Actually in reality in your misplaced sense of love you may be perpetuating a new genre of adolescent behaviour. If you have noticed our teenagers today are far too sensitive or insensitive than you were. Far more liable to overreact and do something painfully foolish, far more smug in their comfortable cocoon, and so far less resilient, and insecure.

Here’s a letter written to me by one of the students on the help line I established for adolescent children some months ago. It is so shocking in its content that I thought I must share it with you and awaken the environment to the changing realities of the school environment today. He writes

Welcome to the 21st century's schools. We have the teachers, the friends, and the fun one always had with them. Surprisingly the ‘sharpener fight’ exists too! The one in which you take your bench mates sharpener without asking him, leading to a quarrel (seldom turning into a physical fight in yesteryears I am told). Today things are different. Those quarrels inevitably lead to far fiercer ego battles. Over a sharpener fight, depending on your clout, you may be inclined to call up the local ‘bouncers’ to ‘fix’ your bench mate. The ‘bouncers’ are available in ‘different packages’ specially designed for school going children. The package also gives you a ‘top-up service’ and a ‘special discount’ on big ‘contracts’.
Well I confess I am not a school pass out – I am just a student and I am terribly scared of all the things happening around me. My teenage head wants to know how to deal with these situations. Everything is being stretched to such new levels of experience. If you are not part of the system you are an ‘outsider’, prone to more damage. It is believed doing all this makes you ’cool ‘and if you are not ‘cool’ you are likely to pay a penalty for it. ‘Modern methods’ of dealing with difficult situation can be so unusual, so gross, and so terribly fearful. Where are we heading? How do we deal with this? This is how schools today are like – a flock of sweet little children with there own share politics, conspiracies, and courts.

You can well imagine if a mere sharpener fight can lead to such a radical measure what else can qualify as a threatening situation and its aftermath thereafter. We have always worried about the safety of a girl child, but are our boys any safer today? This is just one such story that may make you realise how crucial it is for us to make quality time for our kids. How important it is for us to talk to them regularly and listen to their problems. How imperative it is for us to understand the pressures they live under. Some issues may not be solved in isolation. Forming Parents’ Clubs is a good idea to deal with issues such as ‘bouncers’ and ‘drug dealers’. Before we label any action of any child as good, bad or ugly, we have to ensure they have not fallen into the trap of having to be part of the ‘crowd’ merely to survive. In order to make them strong and self reliant we have to encourage them to speak up and look for help. As teachers, parents, elders your views and opinion in this column called Adolescentrix will help us connect many distraught, worried parents and children alike into finding some direction . It may also be a good platform to bring parents together to brainstorm new parenting techniques.

Together let’s brainstorm alternatives and meaningful solutions to a healthier tomorrow.


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