DO YOU EVER CARE?
YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME
I’M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU
ARE YOU LISTENING?

The two questions we have chosen for this month relate to ANGER MANAGEMENT and CONFLICT RESOLUTION
1. I get very ANGRY at little things and often scream back or react rebelliously. What should I do? (ADOLESCENT)
2. I remain irritated with my child’s repeated MISBEHAVIOUR. What am I to do? (PARENT)


Parents and their teens actually have more things in common than they think. Feelings of frustration, stress, time pressures, disappointment, financial stress, fear of failure and a need to be understood are common to both. They both want to paint a perfect picture for themselves. The child wants a perfect parent and the parent wants a perfect child. How they deal with these feelings and desires is the SKILL of conflict resolution. Conflicting situation can spin out of control when COMMUNICATION breaks down. The key word here therefore UNDERSTANDING.KNOWING THAT YOU ARE UNDERSTOOD CREATES RESPECT FOR YOU AND YOUR POSITION. This is also true for both parents and their teens

Here’s The First Step Towards A Personal Anger Management Programme
§ Identify the events that TRIGGER anger or violence for you: times, topics, situations. Plan for triggering events. What can you do to avoid them or help them go differently?
§ Identify the THOUGHTS you have that escalate your anger. What are you saying to yourself about the situation or person? What thoughts or self-talk can you substitute that will keep your anger from escalating?
§ Identify your BODILY CHANGES that indicate your anger is rising. What skills can you use that will help you control your bodily changes?
§ Identify the ACTIONS you do when your anger is rising. What actions can you do that will de-escalate your anger?


Here are some practical ideas for parents to handle conflict situations. You can start with an AGREEMENT OR CONTRACT made to handling future.
For example regarding communication, you may decide that during a fight
§ Issues from the past are not raked up.
§ Honesty between parties be maintained.
§ There is no name calling, swearing or saying hurtful things.
§ Should conversations become heated, both parties agree to physically separate.
§ After roughly 15 minutes, each one can sit down and write out what they are angry about. Both give other the time to read what is angering them. Each will then ask “What would you like to see happen?” From there both will listen and develop a work able solution.
§ Should an agreement not be reached after this, parties will alternate getting their way. For a week you may try out doing things the other way. A record of the last person to get their way will be kept.
§ Agreements made regarding household chores and curfew times shall be written and displayed in an area accessible to all.

Ø A rule of thumb when managing conflicts is to take equal responsibility towards resolving a situation.
Ø With recurring problems please look for mediation and counselling

THIS MONTH’S SPECIAL

10 Ways to Help Your Children Feel Safe, Respected, and Loved

1. Gotcha! Catch your children being good. Make a big deal out of it.

2. Can you describe that? Describe and praise what your children do well. For example, "Great! You finished your homework. Now we can go outside and play."

3. Hugs and kisses. Don't be afraid to show affection to your children. They need to feel your love for them.

4. The magic message. In every way possible, tell your children that you believe they are lovable and capable.

5. Liking themselves. Talk to your children about their strengths and limitations. Help them see that no one person can do everything.

6. Ask feeling questions. Questions like "How do you feel about your new teacher?" let your children think about and express their emotions.

7. Test the school. Be aware of your children's school climate. Is it warm and inviting? Is there both structure to keep children safe and freedom to let them grow?

8. Listen carefully. Put down the newspaper and turn off the TV when your child talks to you. And don't interrupt.

9. I'm on your side. Advocate for your children when concerns arise. Help them resolve conflict and find peaceful solutions to problems.
10. Peace be with you. Many schools have become peace sites-a place of safe, respectful behaviour. Try this at home. As a family, identify ways your home could be a more peaceful place.